Pre-Toronto Bureaucratic Clusterfuck

well, not so fast. It seems our wonderful Government (If you're reading this, Government, you know I love you!) put a new law in effect in January 2007 stating that any travelers to Canada, Mexico and the Caribbean (or was it Bermuda? I'm not sure, but I wasn't traveling there, so fact checking would be pointless here) would need a passport. What? A passport? But those countries are practically the US! Unfortunately, in the current geo-political landscape, I guess it makes sense that we want to be a little more conscientious about who's entering the country. Score one for the Feds! Well, not so fast...

So, Government is now making me get a passport to go to Toronto, even though it's almost like America (they speak English...albeit a bastardized form, but English nonetheless, eh?). So I say, "Yes, Government, I will get a passport". I apply on April 10th, and because I needed it by June 2nd, I went ahead and signed up for expedited service (an additional $60 on top of $100 for the application). I was told that I should receive it by Mid-May, but probably would get it sooner and could track it online once it was processed. Wonderful! So a few weeks go by and I see that my passport has been processed and I have a 10 digit confirmation number! Surely my passport must be coming soon, right? Why don't I call the convenient 1-800 # they have set up where friendly customer service representatives are ready to take my calls? So I call them, and go thru the usual phone options and finally get to the selection that will take me to a live person...well, sort of. The phone rings, and soon after, Mr. Automated Message Guy comes back and says "I'm sorry, all of our CSRs are busy at this time, please call back at another time". What? I call back. Same thing. Hmmm...are they avoiding my phone call? I start redialing and yet, still can't get through.

As you can imagine, I'm starting to get worried...I start searching the internet to see if others are running into the same problem (or maybe I can find out which assholes are hogging up the lines). Unfortunately, I find out that I'm not the only one. In fact some hundreds of thousands of people are in the same boat. It seems that Government decided it'd be a great idea to make travelers to the most popular tourist destinations get a passport without beefing up their staff. Who needs infrastructure? So alas, Government once again made a wonderful decision, but then forgot that they actually need to implement it in a semi-efficient way. Oh, who am I kidding? I work for a state institution as well...I know. But still, that's not helping me get my passport and avoid having to cancel my trip, is it?

So, I start doing some real searching for solutions. One possibility is to contact your local congressman/woman. I check and find out that Lloyd Doggett is my Representative (I should know that...I voted for him). I call his office and they say they may be able to help (Btw, everyone I talked to in Mr. Doggett's office was extremely nice, courteous and helpful...why can't Government be filled with people like this? oh right, these were probably Aides who are wet behind the ears and haven't had to sacrifice 100,000 people for Jack Bauer's nephew). Anyways, they tell me I probably won't hear until the week or even days before my trip. Turns out, I was traveling the weekend after Memorial Day, and there were thousands of people who were traveling that weekend and had higher priority than me. I call the Friday before, and they suggest checking back on Tuesday after Memorial Day has passed. I get nervous and start going all worst-case-scenario thinking and mentally prepare myself for the possibility that I might not get to go.

But then a funny thing happened Saturday morning. I check my email, and lo and behold, there's an email from Mr. Reprentative Lloyd Doggett. Sure enough Mr. Doggett (well, probably one of his very helpful staff) has found my passport and it's being mailed out Priority. I check the tracking and it's already in Austin. I check my mail that afternoon, and I've got a m-f'in passport! I'm an international citizen! I can use this to get into bars if I lose my driver's license!

More importantly, I didn't have to drive to Houston (where the closest Passport agency is) and then Dallas before flying to Toronto. Now, I get to go back to my plan of driving to Dallas and flying from there.

Sorry for such a long story, especially now that Government decided that whole law change wasn't such a good idea and have now rescinded that order. Fuck you Government!!! (shit, now I'm going to end up on the watch list...Yay America!)

Alright, we can now move on to the fun stuff: Toronto. Next time...