ACL Fest Day 1, Pt. 2: North American Scum

Alright, so last we left, it was about 6:30, and LCD Soundsystem had just ended. I was very sad that I'd missed M.I.A. (who was performing at the same time...one of the really bad schedule conflicts of the festival). Nonetheless, since Bjork was playing across the festival grounds at 8:30, Bill and I decided to go back and hang out with our group thru Spoon and wait until Bjork.

We got there just in time to see something that corresponded with another recent google search:

Chicks with Big Balls

But that's not what you came here to see. You came here to see guys who really think they're Batman. Luckily, I can satiate that need.

Seriously, this guy thought he was Batman. He sauntered around and basically walked exactly how it looks like he would. He was probably the highlight of the weekend. And that's really saying something about how AWESOME he was. And in case anyone is wondering, yes, I think he must have lost some weight and may need a tummy tuck.

And here's the back end for you ladies (and gents) out there

I'm nominating Utili-Kilts as the next big style. For the record, that's a lady's hand on his ass. That's some hot Utili-Kilt action, right there!

But what about those of you who want to see Daniel and Lause dancing together? You must be reading my mind, because cuz I couldn't get enough of it (who could?)

Lause droppin' down on Daniel

I haven't seen asses pounded like that since Requiem for a Dream!

As you could probably imagine from the previous pictures, Lause got a little excited and squirted a little earlier than he'd hoped. Bill can verify that that wouldn't be the last time.

After they finished, they celebrated (as you would). Nice mittens, Daniel!

Alisa, Jad and Heather (L-R): You may remember these fine folks from other blog posts such as "Bonnaroo Pt. 1" and "Crystal Beach House". Needless to say, they did not have a chair beyond said point.

Beer Flag: Hey Everybody!
Everybody: Hey Beer Flag!

Hey Lause, what's Daniel going to think of this? (You may be thinking, "Yeah! And what about Kyle?" Well, let's just say that Kyle's secretly been hoping for some 3-way action with Lause. But you didn't hear that from me. Ok, that's not true either. But it'd be awesome if he did, right? Yeah, I agree.)

Oh yeah, so Spoon played during all that. They were pretty good, but it was definitely one of those shows where we chose to relax and hang out, rather than focus on the music. Spoon sounded pretty good (really enjoyed the horn section) but ultimately, it wasn't anything that just drew me in. One of these days, I will catch them at their own show and let them win me over. I've typically avoided them at festivals simply because I figure I'll be able to catch them anytime. I'm sorry Spoon!

But no matter. That wacky Icelander was about to come on stage. She likes lasers and lights and shit.

See?

Now, lest you think it was just artificial light and lasers, Bjork, in all of her infinite wisdom also decided to light the awning on fire as well (right under the L in Limits). That wacky Bjork! She's so cute, with her arson and pyrotechnics!

Bjork was rocking so hard that Lause couldn't help but play air Guitar Hero to it. Sadly, Bill still would have kicked his ass at any song on GH. Seriously, Bill plays Expert songs like I play Easy songs. I hate him. A lot.

Explosions!

Ok, now this is quite possibly the coolest thing I've ever seen. It's called a ReacTable. I don't even know how to describe it, so let me just link to something that does: Reactable fucking rules!

And that was Day 1. I'm sure I missed some good stuff, but the parties involved did not sign waivers. Tune in again for Arcade Fire, Lause's stomach and Hugs from STD-afflicted crazy people (i.e. Us).

ACL Fest Day 1, Pt. 1: We Didn't Start the Fire (Seriously, it wasn't us, Fire Marshall)

First off, yes, I'm not very good at blogging. apparently, you're supposed to post stuff, which I don't get around to doing very often (mostly, I'm lazy, I don't like Blogger's way of dealing with photos and I'm lazy...also I'm repetitive).

But that's not gonna stop me! I'll get to Bonnaroo and Toronto sooner or later (actually I have to or my wife will kill me for not immortalizing our trip to the hills of Tennessee). For now though, let's take a trip down memory lane...all the way back to September of Aught-Seven.

So here's the setup:

We live in Austin, so it's all quite convenient. A bunch of friends of our's join us every year. The names sometimes change, but the fun remains the same. And let me be very clear...during ACL, we all make a commitment to having fun. Anyone who cannot make the commitment gets chastised and bad things said about them. Bad things like "______'s not committed to having fun!!!". It's quite effective in getting everyone on board.

So this year was a bit different from other's. My good friend Daniel (from Houston) made the incredibly wise decision to rent an RV and reserved a spot at the Pecan Grove RV Park (mere minutes from Zilker Park). This became our pre-ACL meetup place. But enough of that...on to the pictures!

So let's set up the characters:

The dapper, Jan Michael Vincent-type character here is me, your trusted narrator

Lause: Wisconsinite, had trouble understanding the concept of a koozie


Sadie- Now this lady understood the concept of the koozie. so much so that she had her own, homemade neck koozie. These Wisconsinites are serious about their drinking.

Bill: Indiana, so cool, he makes sitting in a camping chair INSIDE of an RV look cool



Kyle: Wisconsin, boyfriend of Sadie, doing what Kyle does best.

We'll be introduced to more people as the days pass. But for now, those are the people you need (and want) to know.

These guys are committed to having fun. With the Mitten. One of these three men will administer the Mitten before the festival was over.

You'll notice there are additional people who you've not been introduced to. Jen (far left), Leah (2nd from left) and Kindel (2nd from right) mostly tried to stay away from us as much as possible. Quite frankly, I don't blame them. But they were great fun. Oh, and I almost forgot the most important character of all! The Beer Flag! The Beer Flag has been with us at every ACL Fest for the past 4 years, not to mention countless Indy 500's, Summerfest, etc. If you ever want to find us, look for it.

So after a delicious breakfast brought to us by Daniel, we set out for the festival. First stop was the Springs, to cool off. Seriously, I don't understand why people don't go down there every day during the festival. It lowers your body temperature at least 15 degrees. but the less others know, the better, I guess.

So as we're entering the festival, it was a bit more crowded than normal. In fact, apparently they weren't letting anyone in. Any guesses why?

The person who said "Bert and Ernie were smoking a humongous doobie in the back of the Sesame Street bus" wins the prize!

By now, you know the story. After the nuclear bomb went off, Jesus returned to die again for your sins (plus, he wanted to check out LCD Soundsystem later that day)

Ooooh, Firemen groupies! I won't even tell you how many layers had to be removed for her to perform her groupie-ing duties.

Once we got in and plopped down, we caught some of Pete Yorn's set. I enjoy his albums and his set was pleasant enough. He even covered "Young Folks" right before Peter Bjorn and John were set to play. I've seen some people in the blogosphere (I think that's somewhere near New Jersey) criticize him for it. I'm sorry, I thought festivals were supposed to be fun, and celebrate music, wherever it comes from? Well, too bad for them.

My wife, Heather, joined me during Pete Yorn and we headed on over to PB&J once Mr. Yorn finished. We ran into our friends Angela and Carrie who'd already found a good spot, so we joined them. PB&J definitely seemed a little affected by the heat (their pale Swedish skin must have been bright red by the end of their set). But they squeezed (squoze?) in plenty of great songs from Writer's Block and even had a couple members of The Clientele (who were in town for a show) join them for Young Folks. PB&J also noted that Pete Yorn had just covered YF and suggested they go on tour: "Peter Bjorn and Peter Yorn". Oh, those wacky Swedes!

They looked cute, although the lady singer was just disaffected to make it work.

After we returned, we were treated to this sight

It turns out Austin is slightly hotter than Indianapolis. This was the least miserable Bill was the entire weekend.

This was Bill's attempt to secure the fan to his hat. It was not successful.

My lovely wife, and our model friend, Aimee

My attempt to both replicate the previous photo, as well as the cover for Bill's and my first album as a duo. We haven't decided between Blam! or Wide Stance and the Minneapolis Airports. Either way, Lou Pearlman is managing us. and I really think we have the chops to make it.

The Beer Flag in all it's glory, albeit much shorter. The fascist security people at the gates would not let us bring in 2 of the 4 PVC pipes that give the Beer Flag it's length. Luckily, we got the other pipes in the next two days, so all was well.

The afternoon passed and we made our way to the AT&T Blue Room stage for the LCD Soundsystem set. I've recently gotten into them and holy fuck, I really love them. So I was immensely excited for the show, and let me say, they did not disappoint. They were my 2nd favorite show of the festival.

James Murphy, the lead singer, as Heather described him, did not look like what she expected. I think we concluded he looked like the guy who works at the convenience store, really likes to smoke pot and is working on 3 screenplays. He did adequately mock the commercialism of the festival as well ("You know, when I started my first punk band in 1983, I said to myself 'One day, I hope that we'll be able to play at the...[looks up] AT&T Blue Room stage'! Free Iphones for everyone!"). Good guy. I'll pay to see them anytime.

Alright, I'm tired. This blogging thing is very time-consuming, so I very much appreciate you making it this far. Tune in next time for Bjork setting shit on fire, some dude who really thought he was Batman and Daniel/Lause dirty dancing. Until then, I leave you with this:

Why was "George Clooney eats poop" the last search I did on google?

Bonnaroo, Pt 1

Hey y'all,

I'm feeling a little down today, so maybe it'd be a good time to reminisce about Bonnaroo 2007.
Maybe that'll cheer me up.

First, a little backstory...

So back in the spring, some good friends of our's, Jad and Alisa, told us of their plans to go to Bonnaroo this year. It turns out, Jad's parents live about 15 minutes from the site where Bonnaroo is held every year (although the fact that the Police were playing, I think was the real reason Alisa wanted to go...I'm onto your games, Alisa!). This was significant for a number of reasons. Most importantly, it meant there'd be a place to stay before and after the festival, as well as a place to shower, use functioning toilets, etc. that was all we needed to know, so we were in.

Many months later, we finally got to go. Here's what transpired over the days of Jun 14-17th, 2007.

We left bright and early on Wednesday morning at 6am, from Austin, and headed out on the road. I don't really have any pictures from the road, so let me sum it up as quickly as possible. Sleeping, Ipod, Arkansas, Tennessee, truck stops, and Cracker Barrel. I'm sure you've had similar trips. But not in an All-Maroon Minivan!

Hey Jad, Alisa and Heather!

So our story begins on Thursday morning (after a nice relaxing morning filled with the most enormous breakfast I've ever seen...thanks Jad's mom!!!), we take off for the festival. More specifically, we set out to wait in line to get into the festival. Now, I can't emphasize how fortunate we were to be driving in from Jad's parents house, as we didn't have to come in thru I-24 (which is really the only main way that most people were driving in). They have everyone that's coming in for the festival drive on the shoulder so as not to affect the normal highway flow. Once we got on the highway, we actually got in soon after, but there was a bit of waiting. Luckily, we saw some interesting sights...

We were actually on that bridge, where people decided it'd be a good idea to perpendicularly park on the bridge. Yeah, they were idiots.

The Rockingest KOA campgrounds EVER!

We only had to sit in this for about 20 minutes. Others reported as long as 6-8 hours. Thanks again, Jad's parents!

Because the line wasn't moving much, this girl decided to go ahead and relieve herself. Of course, as soon as she dropped trough, the line started moving. Luckily, her friends decided to wait for her. Yes! That means we get in quicker!

Fucking A, right!

Once you got off the highway, you had to go thru these "tollbooths" so they could determine where you'd be camping. We ended up in Camp Jabba the Hut (I'm not kidding). I was really hoping for Camp David Wooderson, but it was not to be.

Sadly, there were some soldiers that got left behind (no glass bottles).

Ah, the joys of car camping

Alright, so here's how it works. As you drive in, they just have you park in lines, and you take the area in the back of your car as your camping area. Then another row of cars parks and so on and so on. So basically, once you're in, you're in...unless you can convince 18 people to move their cars just in the right order so you can get your's out. So, we were there to stay!

And once we got parked, we start setting up our tents and setting up camp, as was everyone else around us. It was really fucking hot (as it would continue being for the next 3 days) and I noticed our neighbors trying to set up a large canopy. It was quite large and they were having a bit of trouble getting it up. I volunteered myself to help, knowing that it would eventually provide us with shade too (I know, I'm self-serving like that).

There's our next door neighbors, Andy and Leslie, and the fully constructed Canopy. Between the hours of noon and 5, it was a god-send.

I got a run, but next time, we'll get into some of the shows of the first night (Ryan Shaw, the National, Rodrigo y Gabriela, etc.) as well as some naked dude. See you then!

Crystal Beach House

For the two people who visit this site weekly, you'll be pleased to know that I've been on more adventures!

We rented a beach house in Crystal Beach (just a ferry ride across from Galveston on the Bolivar Peninsula).

Here's what transpired:

Beach House Photostream

And yes, we had a very unhealthy obsession with a conch pillow that looked very much like a certain part of most women's anatomy.

Rocklahoma Pt. 4: Home Sweet Home

I promise, this is the last post. We will finish the trip here. Seriously.

So, last we left, Warrant with Not-Jani Lane was horrible. This also gave us very little hope for Skid Row, who was fronted by Non-Sebastian Bach.

Apparently, Not-Sebastian Bach is not ready for us to see his face. Nevertheless, he sounded great, really got the crowd into it, and really did all their hits justice. Of course, he was from Texas, so he had to do some major sucking up to the Okies, but luckily, he mispronounced Rocklahoma (at one point, calling it Rocktoberfest) and said "Thank you, Oklahoma City!"

But again, you're not here for the music...you're here for the people watching. Ok, I was there for the people watching. Here's what transpired:

Ok, seriously guys...either be too-cool-for-school hipsters and don't go to Rocklahoma, or
show up, dress the part and fucking rock out.

Now, that's how you fucking RAWK OUT!

These ladies know how to rock out. (I was pleasantly surprised to see that I was not the only creepy guy taking pictures of these fine upstanding ladies).

We watched this drunk guy (left) stumble around while grasping onto his friend (right). Needless to say, he was the only drunk person at Rocklahoma.

This one's mostly just a shout out to Danny Glover out in H-Town. Coke Lot 4 Eva!

As the sun went down and Skid Row finished their set, we anxiously awaited Winger (I forget why; prior to this, my memory of them was their shirt being worn by Stewart on Beavis and Butthead...apparently, I'd underestimated their musical abilities, as learned here). Winger came on stage and basically, rocked the fuck out.

Kip Winger wants you to appreciate his music, not his stunning good looks (he is an attractive man, after all), therefore his visage has been whited out.

The best part of Winger though, was the buildup to the show with the requisite "She's only 37" jokes...and sure enough, during "Seventeen", Kip sang "She's only 35". Extra props for doing the math and figuring out how old Lolita would be today.

Now, many of you will recall the infamous Indian Taco that Mark "enjoyed" the night before. I have to give a special shout-out to the Most Unexpected Food Find, the fried potato chips.


Basically, they took a potato, cut it with a Ro-Tato (according to Mark), then fried the enormous plate of chips. This plate was already half-eaten, and ultimately, was well worth the $4 (cheaper than the Indian Taco, and much less snarl-worthy).

So night fell, Winger left us all wishing we were 17 years old, and Dokken was coming up next.


Dokken put on a good enough show. I'd actually say they were closest to "Heavy Metal" of any of the bands we saw (i.e. they didn't veer back toward any power ballads). Don Dokken was kind of a dork, but at least seemed to care about putting on a good show.

But that was only a warm up to the main dish, Vince Neil. Now, as you might imagine, Wiley was sort of freaking the fuck out...

Sort of like that

Before the show, they showed an intereview with Vince and he looked sober enough, even talking about the upcoming Motley Cruise, where basically, it's Rocklahoma, but on a boat. Imagine the multitude of ways you could end up puking on that ship!

So, with Vince Neil's upcoming arrival, I asked proclaimed Biggest UT fan EVER, Wiley, which Vince was better, Neil or Young. No other stipulations were put, just a simple "Who ya got?". The next several minutes made me lose 28% of the respect I had for Wiley. He soundly chose Vince Neil, not even really apologizing it. I can't even really talk much more about it, it upsets me so. Needless to say, the title of Biggest UT fan EVER is back up for grabs. Stay tuned for the round robin tournament.

Nonetheless, we were excited to hear much of Motley Crue's catalog. Which was partially accurate. Vince came out and ripped through various hits (can't remember all of them, but Dr. Feelgood, Girl/Jesus Don't Go Away Mad, Girls Girls Girls, etc. After about 6 or 7 songs, I think he got a bit bored (as you can imagine, given that he's sober) and just left the stage while his guitarist, bassist and drummer stayed and did a 20 minute 70's classic rock tribute, playing everything from Led Zeppelin to Black Sabbath. We never really found out where Vince went, but he came back after awhile, and played a few more hits, along with a few songs I didn't recognize. He did a one song encore, and I think we'd heard enough. He wasn't bad, but he doesn't rock like he once did (or so I've been told). Oh, and we'd been promised that there'd be surprises (many assumed it was that Nikki Sixx would join him on stage), but none arose. A bit disappointing, but what can you do.

But you couldn't take the smile off of this kid's face!

How can you not be excited about blurry Vince Neil!??!?!

It didn't keep this lady from double-fisting.

This lady probably had the right idea though.

There are so many things wrong with this photo, I'll just say that I have absolutely no idea what was going on here.

No joke here, I'll just take the credit for quality photography

Oh, and there were laser beams and stuff.

Bye Rocklahoma!

And that was it. Well, for the night. We still had to wake up the next morning, pack up and drive back to Austin.

After a decent night's sleep, we awoke to the sound of rain. Ugh, we had to disassemble camp as quickly as possible and get the fuck out of dodge.

I tried to explain to Wiley that the cooler as not the best place to micturate. He didn't listen.

The good thing is, we finally got some work out of them. Woke up, packed up everything in the truck within 30 minutes. Good job, team!

Bye Rocklahoma! (For Reals, this time)

So, on our way out of Pryor, OK, we stopped at the trusty Kum & Go for our requisite bathroom stops (don't even get me started on Mark's tour of all Pryor, OK bathrooms...I believe he'll be coming out with a guide for next year's festival). Anyways, we found the most enormous mug-g-g-g-g and purchased it for Wiley (for those that don't know, Wiley is a bit of a collector when it comes to enormous mugs). But he'd never seen a mug like this:

Now, keep in mind the stainless steel mug is 52 oz. That's nothing compared to huMUGous!

What's that? You want huMUGous scaled to a small child? OK!

Don't worry, Wiley, indifference is just a phase. One day, Holland will come to appreciate all the qualities of the huMUGous. Don't give up on him yet!

But I'm getting ahead of myself here. While we were at the Kum & Go, filling up our puny 34 oz mugs Wiley had bought us on the way up, we got to talk to a local cop. Now, let me tell you, if all cops were like our cop friend, well...cops would be a lot cooler. Our paraphrased conversation:

One of Us: So how many people did y'all arrest last night?
Cop: Only about 8...of course, 7 were locals. We don't want to hassle the guests.
OoU: Did you go see any shows?
Cop: I'm not really into all that 80's stuff. Now if it was 70's rock, I'd a been there in an instant!

It went on from there, but sadly, we took no pictures with our new cop friend. Hopefully, we see him next year.

So, huge mugs in hand, we made our way back down Hwy 69. Hey, did you know that Checotah, OK is the home of 2005 American Idol winner, Carrie Underwood?

It sure is! Now, don't go fucking up Tony Romo's fantasy football numbers!

We gratefully made it back across the border without any Oklahoma incident and made a stop off at Watsonburger in Sherman. Now, that was good eats

So good, you didn't even mind that they had Mr. Hankie, the Christmas Poo painted on their window.

What's so funny, Julie?

Ok, seriously, what's so fucking funny? We never did find out.

You know what is funny though?

What's the opposite of Magnums?

Surprisingly, we did not see many cars on the road driving back from Rocklahoma (no shoe polish on the windows, proclaiming "Rocklahoma or Bust" or anything like that). However, we did see one familiar face:

Mark Slaughter had to get back home for the workweek as well. Glad to know we weren't the only working stiffs that had to get back that night.

There's no story here. Just Wiley sans hat.

We made it back home though (well, Wiley's house, that is), safe and sound. A bit tired, but not too tired to take some final pictures.

This was our most photogenic picture.

Step 1: Cut a hole in the Mug
Step 2: Put your junk in that Mug
Step 3: Make her open the Mug

So that's it. I can't thank everyone enough for continuing to read this. I've really enjoyed writing this and really appreciate all the positive comments. While this is it for Rocklahoma 2007, stay tuned for next year. In the meantime, I'm gonna be going back through and recounting Heather's and my trip to Bonnaroo with our friends Jad and Alisa. I don't know if I can replicate the magic of Rocklahoma, but please believe me when I say you will not be disappointed. Check back soon!